The Gift of Life

Jessica's Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption Story

Adoption not only gave my son the best chance at life, it gave me a chance to grow and pursue my dreams. By giving him the best life, he gave me life.

When my boyfriend and I found out we were pregnant, I knew I wanted us to be a family. I felt we were old enough, mature enough and I knew we would be together forever. When Eric and his family brought up the option of adoption, I was completely against it. I agreed to look into adoption just to please them.

I began to warm up to the idea, although there was still no conviction in my mind on how we could actually do it. To me, this was our child and he belonged with us. I couldn’t imagine him in the arms of anyone else.

Eric and I had an appointment at Sunny Ridge that afternoon. We got lost on our way to the appointment and ended up on the other side of town, already 40 minutes late. We called the social worker to apologize and let her know we were not going to make it. I was relieved, until she told us to go ahead and come late—she still wanted to see us. As soon as I walked into Sunny Ridge I felt immediately calm. Our social worker was so friendly and as we talked, I felt she understood the process I was going through and cared about how I was feeling. For the first time in my pregnancy I felt safe. She validated my feelings of wanting to parent our child.
She recommended a Sunny Ridge birth parent support group. I was very nervous the first time I attended. I was expecting to walk into a room of people and not understand why they would place their babies for adoption. As the minutes passed, I quickly realized that the girls who had already chose adoption loved their children more than anything. Through their tears and stories, I became educated on the realities of adoption, and the extreme love and selflessness it takes to make that decision.

I ended my first group asking the girls many questions; I still had no idea what my decision would be. Two months later I would come to terms with the reality: Eric and I could not provide the things our child needed and deserved. We had to accept the fact that the qualities we wanted from an adoptive couple should also be the qualities we possessed as parents. The comparison wasn’t even close. As much as I fought for “biology” to be good enough a reason above all others, it was not going to be enough. We had to accept that we weren’t ready for the responsibility and the growth and development of this life. We still had growing to do ourselves, separately and together as a couple.

I remember sitting with Eric waiting to meet Bob and Karen for the first time. We were blowing on each other’s palms because we were so nervous. We had looked through seven profiles and after reading Bob and Karen’s, we knew that we wanted to meet them. We already felt we had a lot in common. It was the little things that caught our attention. They had a summer cottage on a lake, which was something I had always wanted as a child. They also had been scuba diving and Eric had always wanted to do that. Every time I heard the crack of a door, I would lose my breath with anticipation for the first sight of them. They were already more than just strangers to me.

Finally, they arrived. Eric and I smiled as we stood up, me a little off balance, to shake hands and formally introduce ourselves. In the two and a half hours that we talked, it was non-stop. Eric and I had written out a list of questions we wanted to ask them about their views on important subjects like education and religion. I don’t know if we even looked at our list once. Everything we wanted to know about them just naturally came out in our conversation.

We finally decided to exchange e-mail addresses. Eric and I went to dinner and couldn’t stop talking about how much we liked Bob and Karen. I had support group that night and couldn’t wait to brag about the parents we had found for our child. I loved them, I really did!

I realized that meeting Bob and Karen was a huge step in accepting that adoption was the best and right choice for our son. In the next two months we kept in contact through e-mail. Karen would tell me how she wanted to decorate the nursery and what names they were thinking of. They wanted our opinion! Bob and Karen sent me flowers and visited me in the hospital. Their concern for me was reassuring; not only did they care about their future son, they truly cared about Eric and me. They even asked us to choose a middle name for our son. We chose Scott, after Eric’s Dad.

I was induced on September 18th. Jared Robert Scott was born at 9:35pm that night. He was healthy and just perfect. I couldn’t wait to introduce him to his parents. I will never forget the look on their faces as they held their son for the first time that night. I knew that they would treasure him forever.

Eric and I spent five days with our son prior to placement. With our families, we loved and bonded with Jared. We thought this was important for him so that he would know how much we truly loved him. It was a very emotional but happy time for us, bittersweet, as everyone says. We decided to place him with Bob and Karen on September 23rd.

The placement went very smooth. I never doubted my decision although it was the hardest thing I have ever done and probably will ever do in my life. I am proud of my son and his family. I am also proud of how hard Eric and I worked to make the best decision for our son’s life. I have never regretted or doubted my decision. When I think of where Jared is, it always brings a smile to my face. Eric and I recently attended his baptism, which was very reassuring to both of us. Our relationship with Bob and Karen and our son grows with time. He is growing up fast, healthy and happy.

When I first came to Sunny Ridge I had no idea how my pregnancy was going to end. Almost ten months later, I still lean on Sunny Ridge for support and comfort on my decision. My counselor still calls me to make sure I am well. I will always be thankful to Sunny Ridge for helping through the most difficult time in my life.

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